Leadership Myth # 1: I am in Control

Jay Newman, PhD, Founding Partner, Culture By Choice

I have heard so many managers say I just have to get this __________ ( you fill in the blank) under control and then everything will be better. The concept of us controlling anything is actually a myth. The only thing we can really control is ourselves. Everything that is out there must be collectively managed by people who have a common desire for conditions and situations to exist in a certain way and then, that group of people must be willing to accept less than perfect outcomes. As a leader, thinking that you can control people, the environment, circumstances and situations sets you up for a battle you cannot win. So, how can a leader lead without control? Through influence!

There four basic ways to influence others. These are fear, safety, reliability, and love. To motivate people to do something you need done, you can threaten their sense of safety and security and if they truly believe you can and will do them harm, they will do what you demand. How well they do it will always fall on the side of minimal compliance and never achieve anything near what would be considered quality. If you offer people safety in return for their efforts towards achieving an outcome, you will most likely see some people jump at the chance and they will work hard for you until they reach a state of comfort and then they will work hard enough to remain in that comfort zone. Reaching the highest levels of achievement will be difficult. If you offer people reliability, you will most likely find a number of people who will work hard enough to establish a system of operations that creates consistency and predictability but your organization will have trouble adapting to a rapidly changing world. If you offer people love you will most likely find that almost everyone will respond positively. Together you will have to learn to succeed and that will require understanding one another. As is the case with any loving relationship, maintaining the the relationship requires hard work.

What does an organization influenced by love look like? The first thing to note is that the love I’m talking about is not a soft, mushy love. This love has high expectations and standards for one another. This love has core values and principles with an expectation that all who sign on for the journey will strive to live up to those values and principles. This love is unconditional in that it accepts that we are all imperfect and will all fall short but the expectations are that we will never give up our pursuit of excellence.

When an organization is influenced by this kind of love, it collectively understands that all people are unique and that there are numerous ways to get to the same destination. Taking advantage of the diversity of styles and world views that this leadership approach fosters is an excellent way to find ways to better meet the needs of every member of the team. Teams are not monolithic. Members will not all be motivated by the same incentives nor will they approach problem solving in the same way. This style diversity allows teams to have people handle different tasks according to their own strengths. And, because the foundation is love, no one task category is seen as being more important than any other task category. Sales, is not more important than design nor is production more important than customer service. This leadership approach understands that if any part of the entire process is short changed, the entire system can fail.

If we want to create an organization that truly has a Legacy Culture, our source of influence must be love. As I contemplated writing this Blog, I thought very hard about whether I should use the word love. I thought of alternatives such as caring or compassion, but I stuck with love because it was the more courageous choice. Being a Legacy Leader requires a great deal of courage because being driven by love will too often be seen as being soft. Even when we know that having love as our fundamental influencing factor is the hardest road to take, we will still hear people refer to it as the soft approach. It is anything but soft. The easy way out is to take one of the other approaches. With any of the other 3 approaches you only want people who are the way you want them to be and any other way is wrong. The Legacy Leader knows that those approaches are so limiting that huge chunks of opportunity will be missed. So Legacy Leaders, fasten your seatbelts, the road ahead will be bumpy but the product of your work will be extraordinary!