The Top 3 Goals for Every Legacy Leader: 1) Build Trusting Relationships 2) Build Trusting Relationships 3) Build Trusting Relationships

What do we mean when we say trust? In my experience, I have discovered that different people think of trust in different terms. For that reason, before a team begins building trust among themselves, they must clearly define trust for that team. I have most typically heard of three different levels of trust. The first level has to do with honesty. Can we trust you to be truthful and honor the rights of ownership? The second level deals with actions. Can we trust you to do what you say you are going to do? And the third level is all about vulnerability. Can we trust you not to take advantage of our exposed vulnerabilities?

Why is trust so important? Just think about it. If you have a choice between doing business with someone you trust and someone you don’t trust, which one will you choose? How about working for someone you don’t trust? How do you feel about that? When we trust those we deal with, it makes life a little easier. When trust does not exist, everything gets more difficult. Teams that trust one another produce better outcomes than teams that lack trust.

How does a team build the trusting relationships that are needed to become a high functioning team? I can tell you, it never happens by chance. When we just assume that everyone will be trustworthy, we set ourselves up for making the old adage come true. To assume makes an ass out of u and me! The reason this happens is not inherent dishonesty, it’s the failure to clarify what we mean by trust, what behaviors will demonstrate trust, and how we will create our trust accountability system. Teams that really trust one another know how to call out team members for lapses. Whether those lapses are intentional or accidental doesn’t matter. If our team is to become high functioning, we must all accept the responsibility for calling out one another for those lapses. Intent doesn’t matter! Intent is always an interpreted thing anyway. What I believe your intention was and what you actually intended often don’t match and that discrepancy will depend on our biases. It’s best to just let it go.

Since we need to be intentional, we should create opportunities for proving our collective trustworthiness. Every team meeting provides a chance to test team trust. Team members need to be challenged to open up and share their most creative ideas and to share the trust concerns that have cropped up since the last meeting. Guidelines for doing this sharing must be established and be enforced. Foremost among these guidelines is the use of I messages and the prohibition of the use of You messages. As I’ve written in a previous blog, an I message has 3 parts: 1) I observed, heard, saw, 2) I felt, and 3) I interpreted this to mean. This is followed by a request for clarification, such as; can you help me understand what your point-of-view on this matter is? In contrast, You messages are accusatory with an intention of shifting responsibility for whatever is going on from me to you. The key to success is making sure everyone knows how the trust mechanism works for the team and then making sure everyone abides by that process. No exceptions! Everyone, especially the “boss,” must abide by the rules.

I’m always interested in feedback. When you try this trust building approach, let me know what happens. If your team is anything like any of the teams I have worked with before, I expect to hear about improved trust. Please don’t be afraid to share your experience with me. The more we learn, the better we can all be.