Some Common Thinking Mistakes

Black or White? All or None? Win or Lose? Life is way too complicated to exist only in the extremes. If we think only in these either/or frames, we miss over 99% of the possibilities that exist. This year, there was only one NCAA Football Champion in the playoff/Bowl Game group of universities, Alabama. Does that mean the efforts of all those other teams was useless? Of course not. Have a realistic expectation for what you can and want to accomplish. Does this mean you don’t shoot for the stars? No, lofty goals are inspiring but we must prepare ourselves for accepting outcomes that are less than perfect.

Painting too many scenes with the same brush. Over generalization results in missing the beauty of diversity and the nuance of individuality. In addition, trying to apply past experiences in novel situations can severely limit our ability to creatively resolve problems that we encounter. Furthermore, when we respond to someone explaining their experience with a “oh yeah, that’s just like when…” we denigrate that person’s experience and limit our own understanding of it. To open our minds to greater possibilities and opportunities, a different approach will work much better. Shifting my response to, “I wonder if you think this experience I had is similar and of any assistance in dealing with your experience?” Then explain your experience. Then listen carefully to what they say. We’ve now opened the conversation up to a true dialogue seeking to be helpful to one another.

Ascribing intentions to the actions of others is a dangerous trap we can lead our minds into. Thinking we know why someone did or didn’t do what ever it is they have or have not done, starts our mind towards an imaginary battle that can actually become a real. How many conflicts have been created by our deciding that we know why someone else did what they did without ever having a simple conversation about what transpired. In history, there have been battles fought that could have been avoided by a simple conversation. In our lives, there have been relationships destroyed because we failed to have a much needed conversation. And knowing how to start the conversation is critical. Try this: “I heard or saw, or observed, or witnessed (now explain your experience) and as a result I felt (now explain your feeling) and I’m wondering if you could help me understand what happened? This approach allows for a conversation that can be open and honest. Our fears may be confirmed but by not assuming we know before we really know, we keep ourselves open for positive outcomes. If we start our conversation on an accusatory note, we almost guarantee a negative outcome.

Focusing on the negative when so much positive exists in our lives results in losing perspective. If one bad thing happens and 9 good things also happen, spending most of our time thinking about the one bad thing distorts the true nature of our experience. Yet, this is what too many people do. Think of the people you know who have limited their potential by focusing on the one failure rather than the many successes. There have been very few undefeated champions in the world of sports but each year there are still champions. We can learn from each failure but then we must move on.

This is just four way that we can sabotage ourselves with wrong headed thinking. There are others but these four are so common, I thought I’d mention them. Don’t get caught in these mind traps. Take charge of your thinking and take charge of your future.